Gonna get real on this blog!!! This is a bit personal for me but i think i should talk about it. I have a hard time sharing my experiences with others. So this is good practice for me i think.
I was diagnosed with autism as a kid but my parents didnt tell me till i was like 13 or something. I grew up with adhd , however i never really understood how it impacted my life, and i still don’t to be honest 💦🥲
I was good at writing as a kid but SUCKED at math (i still do). Now i know my writing is casual on here but i can write pretty well if i want to, but i prefer creative writing over essays and stuff (which they have you do in school anyway)
I actually have a math disability, actually. I envy and admire people who are calm and confident with math. When i start to do math and i can’t figure a problem out, it frustrates me so bad. And sometimes i give up. Because it makes my brain ache. Lol
But some people can sit and do multiple problems and have no issue at all. I just can’t…. But i think it’s different for people who have a reading disability, and are good at math. For me it’s the opposite. I used to read a lot but now i don’t.
Favorite books.. uh..
I really liked harry potter (pls don’t give me a hard time also i ship harry and ron sometimes they cute) (but i also think hermonine and harry are cute and underrated💕i know they didn’t end up in the end but i ship what i want! Haha. Also i loved dobby and i really loved hagrid he was cool. He reminded me of sus from gravity falls for some unknown reason.. they have similar vibes, idk). I loved coraline and other books by neil gaiman (i tried to read good omens but i was too young to understand all of it and it was so long! So i couldnt finish, but maybe i can someday!) also books i liked.. wind in the willows.. anything with anthropomorphic animals (yes, furries, i don’t care, i like anthros ok , it ain’t a big deal)
Winnie the pooh. Rabbit? Peter rabbit.. ? Arthur books, but i watched the cartoon more. Arthur, man. I loved him. Him and Francine. Also buster. And muffy. I ship francine and muffy Sometimes lol.
Gay arthur couples! So cute 🌈💕(i’m so sorry i think i followed the artist but i forgot their username/handle! The person who drew this. It’s super cute tho and i give them credit i am sorry i forgot the artist’s name, pls forgive me thanks..)
Other things about adhd i didn’t realize till i was older
- my hands shake 🙃i hate it so much bc i like sewing, but when i sew if my hand is shaky, it’s hard to control the needle and thread, Hand eye coordination is important in sewing bc you’re working with small things made of fabric. It’s also just a pain when my hands shake bc it makes me feel worried im going to drop something, its awkward..
- my thoughts move in the speed of my brain at 1000%
- even when i sleep, my brain is active, thinking or dreaming
It’s rare for me to have deep, thoughtless sleep (when it rains the sound of rain helps me sleep…)
- i have lucid dreams. Yes i never knew what this was called, but i remember when i was a kid i went to the bookstore and found a goosebumps horror stories book. The cover was a drawing of a kid going to camp, and all the other kids in the line leading up to the entrance had blank faces. Their heads were literally a sphere with no eyes, nose, mouth… so that night when i went home the image was still in my mind when i fell asleep. I had a dream that i was going to school and i could faintly see people with no faces, but my brain was trying to avoid them. In the dream i flopped on a sofa, couch, in the front room of the building, and closed my eyes and i heard footsteps coming in my ear, like as if on cue my brain started imitating the sound of footsteps and it was clear in my mind, and i was scared. I didn’t want to see what was coming up to me. So i started begging myself.. wake up, wake up, wake up.!!! And i forced myself awake right before i saw what it was.
That was my first lucid dream and i didn’t know it was called lucid dreaming till much later.
- This happens so much to me nowadays that it’s basically the plot of my story/comic/animation i’ve written about in here before: Little Dreamer Kyandi. I wrote some new info about it i’ll upload here soon. Yea! Lucid dreams are weird and freaky man. But it’s odd, sometimes i kind of get excited to have them before going to bed, i even kind of want them to happen.. it’s real strange
- and finally.. uh.. stopping, and starting again. Adhd is like my brain is flicking around. I’m also very visual and can see pictures in my brain and it helps me daydream stuff. Sometimes i have whole scenes for stories or even animations just play out in my head. Adhd is also like I’m on drugs? Or crack or lsd but i’m not.??? Haha.. it’s painful to think about. It fuels my feelings of depression sometimes bc i act weird a lot in public spaces bc of my brain moving so fast. And no, it’s not fun or trendy, it’s a pain in the ass and i wish i didn’t have adhd. Or at least less severe adhd. Like mild adhd. I wouldn’t want to change my entire personality, but adhd is a chore and it makes me take too long on things, get distracted easy, forgot things, focus too much on one thing..
- sometimes i want to feel productive, so i sit around and think what i want to do to be super productive in the best way possible that would benefit me the most, instead of ACTUALLY being productive. I waste my time thinking of what i want to do instead of actually doing something.
- …and talking to my self. Awful, horrible habit i need to break somehow. Too many impulsive thoughts get said out loud. 💦
Ok that’s all i can recall about my experience of autism/adhd but if i think of any other things i’ll write it here. Boy. Thanks for sticking with me till the end, if you did. Lol. Sometimes it’s hard to explain in one sentence. 🥲😂
Ok, see ya later!
It’s what? 12AM? I’m so tired ppppppp
Blargh
ZOOWEEMAMA
🍊🐶🎵
Also i have some fun stuff i might write or add on here tomorrow!!! :D
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